Long Overdue

I just saw the date of my last post...April 19th.  Yikes!  It's been a while.

I actually feel really bad about not posting more often.  The project is progressing along quite nicely.  I'm done with nearly 30 chapters.  But I've had so many thoughts running through my head for this blog that it just became entirely too overwhelming and I found myself just avoiding it.

There's actually a little guilt involved as well.  What's been wonderful is the deep understanding I'm gaining for my family, my history and my culture.  But there is one thing I just can't get out of my head.  This isn't something that's new to me.  I've wondered it before.  It's a cultural thing that I don't think I will ever understand.

Why don't Chinese couples speak to each other with any warmth?

Okay, that's a gross over-generalization, but haven't you ever wondered "Why are those Chinese people yelling at each other?"  "Why are they mad at each other" or "That Chinese couple must be fighting."  I've been asked those questions many times.  The truth is, most of the time, they're not furious with one another, they're just having a conversation.

My parents did this when I was growing up.  As we've assimilated into American society, they slowly grew out of it and now they're love for each other is very obvious.  Not that I ever doubted it, but it's much more evident in the way they talk to each other now.

Perhaps part of it is the way my father is reading his story.  I made fun of him in the beginning of this process, saying he's a great storyteller but his narrating falls a bit flat.  I agreed with him when he said he was going to present the book to me as straight forward as possible.  But the words he uses give me the same feeling.  While there's no question my great-grandmother and great-grandfather were deeply devoted to one another and their family, their choice of words and the tone makes it seem otherwise.

For example, at one point in the book, my grandmother hugs her mother and asks if she loves her father.  Simple question, right?  One every child asks their parent at some point.  In America, if a child were to ask that question, the parent would most likely answer, "Yes, I love your *insert appropriate noun here* very much."  Maybe not in those exact words, but something close.  Instead, my great-grandmother acted annoyed, brushed off the question and ordered my mother to bed.

Now, of course, there's the old adage - actions speak louder than words.  And I agree with that entirely.  What good are the words if you don't back them up?  But I still don't think there's anything wrong with assuring your children/spouse/significant other that you love them.

Like I said, there's no real answer to this question.  It's just one of those big differences between cultures.  Something I will never come to understand.  In this way, I'm happy I was raised in a country where it's okay to show your feelings for someone else, where it is, in fact, encouraged.

I love my parents, my family, my friends and I am not afraid to say it!

Here's a look at some of the people in my beautiful family:

My mother, me, my great-grandfather, my father, my uncle

My guess is this was probably 1987 or so (despite the fact that my pants say it's 1973)

Taking One Step Back

So before I get too far into the translation process, I thought I'd give a little background.

My father's book in Chinese is called Suo Na Yan Chen. Suo Na is a Chinese instrument. Wikipedia refers to it as a Chinese oboe. Yan Chen is the dust kicked up by your feet when you walk. These are references to my great-grandmother's wedding day, which I'll talk more about another time, when I actually start getting into the chapters.

The book is set up like this: every 5th chapter is about Nai Nai as a teenager. The chapters in between are about her parents, my great-grandparents. At first, I didn't know how interested I would be in the chapters about my great-grandparents. But so far, I've enjoyed those the most!

Here's what I already knew about Nai Nai before I started the book. Her favorite book was Tess of the D'Urbervilles. She was the oldest of 7 children and the only girl. Her father, my great-grandfather, worked as an adviser to Chiang Kai-shek, the leader of the Nationalist Party in China during the early 20th century. Because of my family's ties with the Kuomingtang, they were forced to escape to Taiwan when Mao Zedong led the Chinese Communist revolution. My grandmother, though, chose to stay in mainland China for my grandfather. At one point, my grandmother was accepted to a university in England, but she did not go. I'm not too clear as to the reason why. Finally, my grandmother was a great moving force in my father's life, both in her life and in her death.

That's not very much and I'm unsure of a lot of the details. In fact, I don't even know how many of those details are actually true and how many have gotten lost in my brain over time. It's too bad I didn't listen more carefully as I was growing up. (My dad is reading this blog so maybe he can add some insight.)

So far, I've translated 8 chapters. Some of them easier than others. My father included a lot of historical events. Everything in the book is true. In addition, my father wrote his book to appeal to the Chinese reader, who wants to read about historical facts rather than develop emotional attachments to compelling people and stories. And since the Tao family is relatively well-known in Chinese history, my father made sure he wrote this book using the highest level of classical Chinese, so there are a lot of terms I don't understand. But even through all that, he has this amazing ability to create characters that I'm really bonding with. I like to think it's not just because my father is a brilliant storyteller, but more because these people aren't merely characters...they're my ancestors, my family, my blood.

Yesterday, after starting this blog, I asked my dad to email me some photos of my grandmother. I feel like to see her is to know her.

I'll start with a photo that features my two inspirations for this great personal journey:


Yes, I know...I thought the exact same thing when I saw this picture for the first time. My father was such a cute little baby and Nai Nai was absolutely beautiful!

I'm just so glad I'm old enough now to appreciate how lucky I am to have such a rich family history. And one that has been captured so well through words passed down through the generations. I only hope to continue this tradition in my own way.